Lots has happened since I last posted.  I've moved to DC, moved in with my bf.  He's been amazing, though as you know relationships especially with me are a little more complicated than most.  On a sad note, my dad has recently been diagnosed with a pretty aggressive cancer.  Was recently out in Minnesota visiting him, taking care of him and seeing the family for a little while.  That's been a bit challenging...to say the least, I've wanted to use symptoms more than I have in a long time.  When I moved, I wanted to start completely new and it was a lot harder this time than it has been previously.  I had gotten attached to certain people before I left, I had a reliable job, but I took a leap of faith and came here.  No new job yet...going more than a bit stir-crazy.  Worried about money.  I think the lack of structure and much of any certainty is taking a toll on me and therefore, how I am in my relationship.  I feel almost like I don't have goals anymore, which is so insanely unlike me...I need to get something going ASAP.

7.14.11


Last week, I moved to VA to move in with my bf.  Awesome step, I'm excited about it.  I'm finding myself going a little stir-crazy not having a job yet, but I've been looking fairly actively and had a couple interviews.  Life as a couple is good, but we're running into some walls with communication, mostly from my end.  So much of what I feel is this tangled mess in my head and I find it hard to decipher myself, let alone tell someone else about it.  And I'm finding that as much as I hate it, I do get more nervous about people when they get closer to me.  It's harder for me to open up to you when I know you, which makes relationships a little complicated.

Realizing that emotions come in waves for me and I'm often either flooded with them or it's hard to access them at all, in either case it's difficult to communicate about what's going on in different ways.  When faced with the former, it's like my limbic system is on overdrive and I'm so right-brained that my left, the verbal and logical, is almost out of commission, and if I venture towards that side, I fear losing touch with the emotional.