Since I made this, I haven't had much impetus to write...for the past year and a half, I haven't had much impetus to write.
Today the thought crossed my mind that I want nothing to do with the ED world anymore. Nothing. I even returned Crystal Renn's book to Barnes & Noble, which is supposed to be about accepting yourself, etc, but for some reason, the fact that it started out as an anorexia story is what made me want to bring it back. I don't want anything around reminding me of that- there's enough in my own head. Anything external at this point really just annoys me and draws me back toward a road that I don't want to be on anymore- that I choose not to be on. Her story is inspirational, I'm sure, and I do feel in a way like I'm not supportive by saying this, but I don't want to read about it right now. I don't want anything to do with that world right now. 3 years ago, this thought would have been wrong, sacrilegious even. To cast aside what got me through so many times for years?
I just want to be me right now. Not me with an ED. Or me in recovery from an ED. Just me.
Granted, I'm not doing perfectly in recovery at this moment, however, I do think that- all things considered- I'm handling my life and balancing pretty well.
Hey girl I can TOTALLY relate. It's hard to explain but a lot of times I just don't want ANY reminders- not in a running away way though. Sometimes I don't want to see a therapist or hang out at places I did when I was sick including school. I randomly get really annoyed and can't go to support groups even though I'm there to support others more. I don't get it either because I want to work in prevention of a lot of things including ED's but if I can't stand to be around them I'm not sure how I'm going to do that...I think it's a good thing in ways but at least for me I feel like somehow I get ANGRY about things that remind me and that probably isn't good...
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